I am so sorry that I have been so lacks in posting......but I do have good excuses.  My daughter-in-law had surgery for a double umbilical hernias last week  and I have been babysitting the grandchildren and traveling between  my town and theirs.  It does not help that they have shut down the main bridge and are rerouting traffic onto their main road that has the secondary bridge.  Traffic can get really hairy certain times of the day.  It has also given me extra time with the grandchildren and finding out that Grammie is not the same as Mom.  So far, they have been testing their limits with me and I have confused them by not responding in the manner that they were expecting.  So far......I am maintaining the lead as an adult with authority.  I am fair so they have accepted that the problems I have had with them is not personal but is directly related to their behavior.  I have gotten to spend some quality time with Neko too where we just take turns laughing at each other.  That baby has the most infective laughter I have ever heard.  He gets so tickled that he gets the hiccups.  Trish is really having a hard time that she can not hold him yet since  she can not pick up his weight due to the surgery and her surgery site is extremely tender to be touched.  He is loving his Grammie though since I am such a sucker for when he cries.  He usually cries when he is hungry but lately he has started to cry if I leave his area unless I give him a bottle first.  You can see where he places his priorities......Grammie vs Food/Bottle.  Food/Bottle always wins first place.   Adrianna is my right hand girl too.  Not that she is an angel by any means......but she is trying to please even though she has tried her hand at testing me too.  Damien......well he is like the girl with the curl.....when he is good, he is very good and when he is bad, he is very bad.  It is sort of hard on them now that Trish is home since now they have a Mom and a Spare.  Two sets of Mother's eyes to observe them and slightly different ways of dealing with things.  I try to make sure I reenforce the limits Trish places on them but still maintain my own Grammie authority on how they relate with me.  I give them options....the easy way or the hard way.  Smart children that they are, they try to negotiate a third option.  It is amusing to watch their little faces try to find a way around your decisions since I know that at any time I can play the "Because I Told You To" card to end the negotiations/discussion.  I am so glad that I am not a child but the adult.  I am also glad that I can remember how I thought and felt when I was a child since it makes it so much easier to handle things that crop up unexpectily.  Well....I need to stop and gets some sleep so that, maybe, I will catch up to myself.

My Husband just had a new playground delivered today.  Nothing like having a new kingsized bed to play on...... a moment to remember and then to indulge in a few future fantasies.  Life is sweet.  I just love him so much and every day since we renewed our vows ......he just gets sweeter (except when he gets on my nerves.....after all, we are real people not characters in a story or fairytale) and more protective of me.  I like that in a Husband, especially in MY Husband.  I am thinking of waking him again but then again.....tomorrow will come soon enough, and he is tired.  I think I will let my sweetie sleep instead and just snuggle up to him and share his warmth.  It is still cold here in New York which makes for some excellent snuggling. 

I have been reading and commenting on Xanga but have not been writing on my own journal.......shame on me!  It is not that I did not have anything to write about since so much has gone on lately.  Both my grandsons have had their first birthdays.  Since Alex is about 6 months older than Neko....Alex is walking and even running but Neko is getting tired of the crawling stage and wants to walk too.  Normally Neko is my laid back grandson but when it comes to getting around, he is in a hurry too.  I love watching their faces light up when they see me.  I just love children and babies especially...doubly so when it is my own babies' babies.  Jessie, James and Alex are back in North Carolina again now that James is back from Iraq.  I plan on visiting them in the near future after they have settled in some more.  Getting Jessie back to North Carolina was a task in itself since the van broke down on the way there so we had to turn back.  But we had to wait until daylight arrived in PA so we spent the night in the van with no heat.  Thankfully Jessie unpacked her down comforter which kept me warm through the night.  It gets really cold in the mountains of Pennsylvania!  So Jessie and Dad went down in Jessie's car loaded with as much as she could stuff into every available space.  Once they got there, the storage facility was emptied out in her new home.  Dad did most of the leg work and Jessie got to straighten some of the stuff out.  I made Jim promise that he would get the crib and the baby's room put together first so it would be ready for him once he got there.  I, of course, am taking care of Alex during the first part of the move, here in New York.  They return and just Jessie and Alex will leave on this trip plus whatever else she can stuff into the car.  Hopefully, my smaller car will soon be fixed so I can bring some more of her stuff down.  With the price of gas taking the van only made sense when we were hauling a trailer with her stuff on it.   Good thing we turned back when we did since the van broke down once again with a little more serious problem that we wouldn't been able to fix along side of the road like the first problem.   Just started to get my house back to normal when Jessie, James and Alex return for two weeks to visit.  Jessie is my messy Jessie.  But I get to have Alex again so ........oh well!.....messy house for a while.  This time when Jessie and family leave, they take Tom, Heather's husband, with them.  The first part of Heather's move is now starting.  He will go South and get a job so that they can get a house to live in and then she will soon follow.  She is so ready to leave.  She hates the cold and she will be near Alex too.  Her job is getting more stressful as more of the workers are bailing out before the hospital actually closes.  She can do most all of the jobs but it is stupid of them to try to get her to wear all the different hats just because she can do the work.  One job at a time she can but not all of them at the same time....such a simple concept but inconvient for her supervisors.  Jen is doing great and her wedding stuff is moving along.  We have given her the money that we promised for the wedding, our taxes are paid, Missy's bridesmaid dress and Kendal's flowergirl dress is paid, the alterations for Missy's dress is paid for but still have to pay for Kendal's dress to have the alterations done, our loan from Missy is paid off with just the lawn mower still needing to be paid off, so now we are saving to have the roof repaired.  Good thing my Husband can do that so all we have to save for is the building supplies.  I got sick over the Easter holidays and have been having a time recovering from it.  But I am getting stronger and every day seems to give me a bit more energy to work with so that is good.  Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.  May 1 is coming up and one of these days that date will have no meaning for me......but not this year.  It is the day two years ago that I discovered that my Husband was cheating on me and my world came crashing down upon me.  The first year was spent rebuilding my marriage and strengthening it.  This last year I have spent trying to come to terms with the actual infidelity itself.  I want to know everything, even if it hurts, even if I do not want to hear it.....I need to know.  My daughter thinks I am crazy to subject myself to this and there for a while, I thought she might be right.  But, I found out that not knowing is worse and for everything he told me about the time he spent with her, it is now a memory between all three of us instead of just something that they shared excluding me.  She has already tried to hurt me with information she did not realize that I already had......so her attempts were laughable.  He is still holding some of the stuff back but that is because it will make him look bad since I am sure it is his complaints and gripes about me.  That is the part that really ticks me off since when we started having problems , I came to him.  I still come to him since it is OUR problems and we are the ones that have to find a way to find a solution that works for us.  He knows that now.  He made a mistake.....a HUGE one, granted, but still a mistake.  At least he discovered who truly loved him........and it wasn't her!  Her evilness showed its ugly face again once she was caught out and was shown in her true light.  She loves to play the victim as she victimizes those around her.  I will be glad when May 1 passes so I get to see what my new development will be in this area.  This year is so much better than last year though since I have had a year of his honesty to help deal with the aftermath.    

One of my friends Emailed this to me:

For some reason I find this strangely amusing.  I guess it is a good thing that I am not mad at my Husband since I might have found this instructive rather than amusing. 

My Husband has outdone himself.....sweetie that he is.  For Valentine's Day, besides getting me cards and candy, he got me an External hard drive that my kids tell me that I will never be able to fill in my lifetime.  For my birthday, he just gave me a flat screen monitor for my computer.  Color me tickled pink!

I would enjoy having a Birthday so much more if it did not add another year to my age.  I do not feel like I am 57 years old.  It is 3 years away from me turning 60 years old.  For some reason, I had a hard time turning 30 years old, a harder time turning 40 years old and I guess my 50th birthday  was a breeze compared to the previous two birthdays.  For some reason, turning 50 years old did not bother me.....go figure.   But.......my upcoming 60th birthday three years from today, will mark the exit of being middle-aged and the beginning of being a Senior (sounds so much better than turning into an old person).  Personally, while I feel like I was born an old person, I would put my mental age about 35 years old.  That is what I feel like inside myself.  Of course, when I am confronted by an unexpected mirror, I wonder who that person is that is  looking back at me from inside the mirror.   The great thing for me is that sometimes I have a very selective memory....so by tomorrow, I will remember this day as a day my family honors me and celebrates with me for being alive to enjoy another day of my life.  The memory of the actual number my birthday was will be quickly buried under so much more important happenings and joys that the only way that I will realize my actual age is to have to subtract my birth year from the current year.  I do it that way since once upon a time, I was twenty-six for two years due to being in Germany and was really just too busy to remember to turn the mental numbers in my brain to the next number.  I do not want to repeat that experience again!     

I have been very busy with kids, husband, and being sick myself.  I absolutely hate stomach flu of any kind.  I hate vomiting since the very act of vomiting makes me vomit......almost a never ending cycle.  Thankfully I do stop vomiting after there is nothing left in the stomach to vomit though vomiting bile is not my favorite pasttime, it does signal that the end is near.  Heather was released from the hospital 11 days ago and is residing on the trundle bed in the living room due to running out of beds and spaces for everyone.  Her husband is still out in the camper during the night and any time he wants to get away from any of us......lucky guy!  My youngest daughter, Jessica, is getting ready to sign a lease later this day in North Carolina preparing to relocate down there and be awaiting her husbands return.  She will be returning home to finish packing and then will start the big move not this weekend but next weekend.  Orginally, her sister and her were going to get a house together but for some reason they did not want to rent a 3 bedroom house to a two household combination that includes 2 couples and a 15 month boy.  Part of the problem was that Heather still lives here and her job is still here so they do not want to lease to someone out of state.  It does not matter that she is willing to pay her half even if she is not in residence since if she signs the lease, it is her obligation to pay her share.  Now Jessica has the problem of getting her stuff from here and out of storage there into her new home.  I can foresee Mom and Dad having to come up with the solution......again.  This time it is really going to hurt since it is really going to hit our wallets just as we are getting ahead.  Never seems to fail, everytime everything seems to be full steam ahead, some sort of problem rises out of nowhere.  Oh well, it will seem a small price to pay in the long run if I can get my house back again.  Messy Jessie will now have her own house to herself and no one to clean up after her but herself.  Jen's Tim is renting a house for them prior to their marriage though Jen is still going to live here until they are married.  The good thing is that she is going to move some of her Stuff into the new place prior to the marriage......here is where I do the happy dance.  Jen's Stuff is forever creeping out of her room and down the hallway not matter how much I rant and rave.  Every so often, I break down and clean it ......but I really, really resent having to do it.  After all, Jen is 21 years old....a little old for Mommy to have to keep cleaning up after her.  And.....there is Heather!  Sick.....yes....but a pain in the butt too.  When she moved in the camper it was to be for a month, two at the most.  It was to save money so they could move so I did not object to absorbing the cost of the electricty to the camper or the electricity to pump the extra water or pay for the extra water to be drawn in due to unforseen drought conditions in our county.  I did not even squawk about the electricity used to for the pool that was put up or the water used to clean it since afterall.....we did enjoy the pool.  But it still cost and Dad and I were the ones to pay.  One to two month has gone to over 6 months now and since they will now have to get their own house separate from Jessie and James, I have no deadline to look forward to.  I love my children ...do not get me wrong and I am going to miss my grandson, Alex, something terrible.....but I raised my children to fly....away from home to make their own nests to call home.  I was down to one and then they started coming back home.  I got a taste of freedom after raising children for over 34 years and I liked it.  Jen would visit Tim's parents home and spend the night so I got to feel what an empty nest felt like and I LIKED IT!!!!!  I felt like I got to be Janice and I got to put her first for a change.  I got to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it and did not have to check with everyone else to see if it fit in with their schedules.  And I did not have to put up with snide remarks and smart mouths.  My kids are all adults now and it is not like I can send them home since they are in MY HOME.  When I read Amy's blog, I sure identified on how when you confront them about the mess and disrespect how they try to turn it around that you do not clean and are on the computer all the time.  NEWS FLASH!  Not my mess....Not my Job.  As for being on the computer........seeing it is my greatest pleasure and I pay for it.....I think I am ENTITLED to spend as much time as often as I want.  The last time I checked, this was MY HOUSE AND THE BILLS ARE PAID BY US.  And while I am on a roll, I am getting sick and tired of being accused of yelling.....nevermind screaming...when I get mad.  I do have a hearing deficiency involving the lower sounds which causes me to pitch my voice differently than when I was younger before I learned to dance in front of the huge speakers at the bars and clubs.  Actually what happens when I get mad is that I do raise my voice a notch at a time as the situation heats up on both sides but my voice will develop an edge to it.  I do not know if it is the military training or what, but I have a very carrying voice and I do not have to raise my voice very much to be heard over a crowd.  In fact, I am often the one that brings things to order when they have someone that does not have that voice of command.  Most of the time, all I have to say is "Excuse Me" and everyone quiets down.  It pisses me off to no end when I get accused of yelling and/or screaming when I am not.  I have even gone to the extreme of giving them demonstrations of what a raised voice sounds like, what yelling sounds like, and what screaming sounds like.......three very distinctive sounds.  I just love how things will get heated and we now have two family members that have develolped an new wrinkle in manipulation.  My Husband and my daughter Heather will be involved in a disagreement with one of the family.....not necessarily me.....and when it reaches the point where both are starting to yell, they stop and assume an air of distain and ask why are you yelling.  That would be okay if they would let the other person actually state WHY they were yelling .....but no.....they then refuse to talk with you until you lower your voice.  Of course, this tactic only works if they use it first.  We are a very vocal family and use our voices to express ourselves.  To be angry and not show it in our voices is like tying our hands down since we talk with our hands too.  In fact, if I am very angry and I talk in a calm, measured voice........run while you can ....since it actually signifies that I am beyond angry and am now dangerous.  I do not usually reach that stage since by raising my voice a notch I am expressing my irritation and anger so it is not trapped inside me....sort of like a steam valve.  I have given myself permission to cry and to get angry a long time ago after I realized the damage it did to me by keeping it bottled up.  So I am going to get angry Heather when you insinuate that I am accepting second best because I did not leave my Husband because he cheated on me for the first time in eighteen years.  Telling me that you would leave a cheating husband is fine.....but my answer to you is still the same.  I said the same thing until my Husband cheated on me.........and I realized that I still loved him and he did not leave and has tried to make it up to me for the "mistake" that he made.  He has stated over and over again that if he had it all over to do again......he would not have cheated.  I do not hold men to a different standard but I do not judge them by a man's standard either.  I am a woman and I judged him by a woman's heart and mind....not just the mind.  Why would I leave, when it is in his arms I want to be.....I love him.  And for you to keep pressuring me in my own home was disrespectful since you were living under our roof at the time.  I refuse to be forced to go to my own room to get away when I repeatedly told you that until something like this happened to you, you really can only speculate what you would do.  You might find that you would do something entirely different when you are faced with the cold reality of the situation.  Originally, I was going to just let this go but I can feel the resentment building within me so I decided to release some of the anger and disappointment too.   Drama..maybe, but if feels more like me standing up for myself.  I have always respected you in your own home and I expect the same respect to be returned to me. 

My daughter, Heather, was moved back to a regular room and out of the Intensive Care Unit Monday.  She is still getting breathing treatments but she is now able to talk above a soft whisper now.  Still no word on what kind of infection is in her lungs except the knowledge that it is very resistant to drugs.  The third antibiotic seems to be the charm since it is making the infection finally break up.  She has had so many IVs that she feels like she is running out of veins for them to use.  She is finally starting to get to sleep since before she was afraid to sleep.  When she went to sleep her oxygen levels would drop and she would awaken disorientated and confused and not being able to breath.  The nurses would be right there but it was still a frightening experience for her and as a result, she became afraid to fall asleep.  Hopefully, soon she will be able to be discharged from the hospital.  I am not impressed with her boss though.  Her boss visited her just the one time even though she made a "joke" about what some people will do to get out of work and then asked her if she was going to be back to work the next day.  The next day is the day my daughter got transferred to the ICU and my daughter has not been visited by her boss since the initial visit.  As her Mother, I am offended  since my daughter works her heart out at that hospital and for her boss to visit her, is just a walk down a couple of hallways.  I think her boss needs to take a refresher course in how to make your employees feel like valuable and needed resource in whatever company you work for.  How much effort does it take to pop your head in and say "Hi, hope you are feeling better"?

What a beautiful, glorious morning!  The sun is brightly shining and even though it is colder than I would like, in exchange, you get to hear the crisp, clean crunch of the snow when you walk upon it.  The downside of the day......my daughter, Heather, is in the hospital in the Intensive Care Unit due to a asthmatic condition mixed with some kind of infection in her lungs.  She is doing a lot better than when she was transferred to the ICU but it is a scary thing when you have any kind of difficulties breathing.  Hopefully, the doctor will get some kind of handle on the infection since it seems to be very resistant to the drugs that she has been given so far.  I just hope that I get to see her doctor since then I will be able to find out more facts than the ones my daughter can tell me.  Normally, that would be enough but she is getting a bit muddled in her thinking since she is sort of sleep deprived due to having to have so many breathing treatments so close together.  At one time, she was having them back to back until she could breathe since her airways would not open enough to get adequate air supply.  Finally, one lung opened enough but that is when the doctor put her in ICU.  Since she works in the hospital, she is now terribly tired of being there and just wants to be able to come home.  So....today I am going to be very busy so I am doubly thankful of the sunshine since it gives my energy levels a boost. 

Since I am light sensitive, weather definitely affects my moods.  I try to allow as much light into my home as I can and keep all the wall colors white if possible using colors as accents to decorate each room.  I also try to keep curtains down to a minimum and favor light thin curtains when they are used.  I am blessed that I live in the country instead of the city or suburbs so that I am able to do this.  I love air conditioning in the summer and our coal stove and wood stove in the winter since I hate being too hot or too cold.  Sometimes I think I might have been a cat in a previous life, and a pampered cat at that.

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