July 28, 2007

• Mom versus Grammie.....

  I survived the overnight visit with my grandchildren since it was the very first time I have had them for an overnight......all three of them.  What an eyeopener it was for me!  I had forgotten how time consuming and how organized you have to be, even if your organization is limited, to be an good and effective Mom.  I think I did rather well since Trish and I share some basic theories on child rearing but we also have differences too.  Which I totally expected since times change and expectations change too as time goes on.  There are going to be differences .....just because I am the Grammie and not the Mom......so I can be more lenient and the truth be told......I just am more mellow as I age.  I am still learning to pick my battles and letting some things slide by or just ignore since some battles are not worth the effort or are ones that time will take care of.  I guess I am getting better at determining which ones I will be successful and which ones will ultimately be ruled a draw.  Of course, now my being selective in choosing battles is creating a potiental problem.  My kids remember me as always being successful in maintaining my authority as a parent.  What they do not realize is that I learned a long time ago that you can not deal with a child on its own level........since they are experts on being whatever age they are at the time.  I always picked the situations that I knew I would be the "winner" and the situations that developed where my authority would be put into question, I would just ignore.  If ignoring was not an option then I would indicate that I would deal with it at a later date hoping by changing the location and/or situation that I would be in a better position to make a difference.  Dealing with a four year old throwing a temper tantrum in a public place is different from dealing with them in your own home.  At home, I usually at first just ignore them as long as they are not physically harming anyone or anything.  In my family, if you keep up a temper tantrum for very long, you get laughed at since everyone else knows that you definitely are now NOT going to get your way now since that is just the way it is.  In public, they get picked up and taken home........and will be left with a babysitter the next few times.  Embarassing me in public is not an option.  I do not reward temper tantrums by letting the child get what they threw the tantrum for in the first place.  My kids were smart.....they quickly learned that throwing a tantrum just made it where they absolutely were not going to get what they wanted......so they tried reasoning.  They found that reasoning or discussing it with me at least allowed some wiggle room in the NO department.  I am surprised that none of them grew up to be a lawyer since they became quite good at defending their position as to why they should be allowed a privilege or should be allowed to do something.  I just hope my kids will realize that you have to pick the behaviors with your children that you want to have a change occur and limit the things you want to be changed to be effective in your parenting.  I usually had a major thing and a minor thing that got addressed ......the major one received more deligent attention with the minor one receiving less scrutiny.  Kids are kids and are going to do all the kid things....even the bad stuff.....it is all part of growing up.  Humor is good when dealing with children......even if you have to keep yourself from cracking up over the things that they do and say.  My kids always tried to get me to crack up since they discovered that if they could get me to laugh.....no punishment.  It just did not feel right to mete out a punishment when I was laughing.    

  • 12:21 am
  • 3 Comments