June 15, 2007

• Ouch!

  Poor Niko, he got his shots yesterday in both of his thighs and I could hear his screams from the waiting room.  They were his very first shots so the sounds are so heart wrenching to me.  So young to learn that even the person you trust will allow someone to hurt you and there is no way you can tell such a small infant that it is for their ultimate well-being that is the cause of the pain.  All you can do is gather their little body into your arms and project as much love and sorrow for their pain and hope they find comfort in your arms.  I always hated the look of betrayal in their eyes when they first realized that they are hurt.........Oh!  ....the guilt!  For me, after my third child, I made my husband be the one to hold our children while the shots were being administered and after he had first chance to comfort them.....to Mama they would come for the final comforting.  I just feel their pain too much.....it was one of my least favorite jobs involving Motherhood.  Neko got to use Grammie as his mattress yesterday since after I fed and burped him, he spend most of the remaining time I was there in my arms.  I just love the feel of a baby in my arms.......especially more when it is my own grandchildren.  I got to spend time with Damien and Adrianna too since Adrianna had a doctor's appointment too.  Damien is Grammie's little shadow wanting to hold my hand and get out of my side of the van.  He can be such a sweetie!  Adrianna was drawing a picture from a book and what an artist she is.  You would never had thought a nine year old had drawn it and she had even modified the picture so that the picture became an orginal since instead of birds holding the lady aloft, she drew wings on the lady herself.  Beautiful Picture!  My daughter, Heather may be moving out of state....she is looking into that possibility....since her job is going to be eliminated if the hospital converts to a diagnostic center.  New York is losing so many jobs and so many people have been leaving the state to find jobs.  My Husband is not taking this news well since he had an entirely different idea of what his life would be like when he grew old and retired.  Norman Rockwell kind of picture, where the family gathers at the old homestead for holidays and family picnics.  If Heather moves, that will mean four of the children of the seven are out of state......Heather tips the half way point to him feeling abandon by his children.  Abandon......his word not mine.  He wants sympathy from me but while I understand his feelings......I am not going to walk down that path with him.  He always had a job to do or a project he wanted completed during the time the children were growing.  We did not get to do the picnics, sightseeing, and just do the sitting back and watching the children together like I wanted to do.  He is a workaholic and I tried to make him understand through the years where his actions were leading him.  He thought he had scheduled enough time for his kids.......now he knows he didn't.  I, on the other hand, did.  I resisted the lure of outside employment with all its materialistic advantages and stayed home to raise my children on the income my Husband was able to provide.  I wanted this for my children and they wanted me home too.  I realized early in life that childhood is fleeting and children's hugs and kisses are the sweetest when they are given on the fly rather than scheduled for after dinner during "family time" since ten minutes before the TV and my Husband starts up the Snore Sawmill.  I made time for my children to fit their needs instead of them waiting for me to make time for me.  Not to say that sometimes they had to wait in line since when I am trying to get the Turkey out of the oven, it is not the time for cuddles.  I hope my Husband will do a little of reevaluating of his priorities and maybe do a little changing if he wants to loose that "abandoned" feeling....afterall, we have a camper so we can go visiting and have our independence too and even more important......we still have children here to enjoy and share our lives with.  I guess I am seeing the glass half full instead of half empty and a chance and reason to do some traveling now that more children are leaving the nest.

  • 12:05 pm
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